“Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own” - Chinese Proverbs
“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. “ - Matthew 6:14-15
Have you been hurt before?
Have you been cheated on?
Have you been deprived and insulted?
Have you been judged and gossiped about?
Have you been betrayed?
If your answers to the questions above are Yes, here’s my next question- How is your relationship now with the people who did those bad things to you?
Do you still hate them or have you forgiven them?
All of us have only two choice when someone hurts us - we can hold on to anger and thoughts of revenge or we forgive and move forward.
Let’s admit it, we are all humans and we commit mistakes. But sometimes, people forget this especially during those times that they are deeply hurt by someone. They find it very difficult to forgive.
We should remember that no matter what we do, no matter what we say, even if our purpose is always good, there will always be people who will criticize us, who will gossip about us, who will betray us, and who will insult us. People are not perfect, just like you and me. Unless we admit these facts, we will never be able to forgive.
We cannot control the ways people act, speak and treat us, but we can always control our attitude towards them. We should make a decision to forgive. Forgiveness is an act we don’t do for other people, it’s for our own benefits. It’s the greatest blessings you can give to yourself.
Don’t get an impression that we should not get angry when other people hurt us. It’s ok to get mad. Being mad is just a proof that we love ourselves. It’s our way of telling people that we do not deserve what they did. It’s our way of healing ourselves. But anger is a feeling that we should not hold too long. Like Bo Sanchez mentioned in one of his articles, Anger is like a medicine that has expiration date.
Holding a grudge is like drinking a poison and waiting for the other person to die. Anger must be dealt properly to avoid transforming it to the feeling of bitterness, which is poisonous to human being.
There’s a story of woman who was raped when she was in college. The man who raped her was prosecuted and convicted. But while in prison, the man wrote a letter of forgiveness and asked the policeman in charge to have it sent to the woman. When the woman received and read the letter, she just tore the paper and put it in the trashcan. Years after, the woman was interviewed to feature in a magazine. The woman said that she had been living in pain and depression ever since the incident. While she was married and had a children, there was no joy in her life. She wanted the man to pay for what he had done to her. She wanted the man to experience the worst.
This story is just a proof that we will never be happy if we won’t be able to forgive those who hurt us. When we hold grudges, we will realize that we don’t help ourselves and it only steals our chance to be happy. Come to think of it, they have hurt us already, can we allow them to hurt us over and over again by repeating what they did to us in our minds? Don’t allow this. Love yourself. Learn how to forgive.
I know it’s not easy. It will take time. Just keep in mind the blessings that we might receive as a result of our forgiving attitude - good health, reduced stress, more friendships, healthier relationships, better self.
Make a decision now to forgive. Love yourself enough not to allow bitterness steal the blessing of happiness you deserve.
Live a happy life,
Maya
