How to Deal with Faults of Others

“Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own” - Chinese Proverbs

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. “ - Matthew 6:14-15

Have you been hurt before?
Have you been cheated on?
Have you been deprived and insulted?
Have you been judged and gossiped about?
Have you been betrayed?

If your answers to the questions above are Yes, here’s my next question-  How is your relationship now with the people who did those bad things to you?
Do you still hate them or have you forgiven them?

All of us have only two choice when someone hurts us - we can hold on to anger and thoughts of revenge or we forgive and move forward.

Let’s admit it, we are all humans and we commit mistakes. But sometimes, people forget this especially during those times that they are deeply hurt by someone. They find it very difficult to forgive.

We should remember that no matter what we do, no matter what we say, even if our purpose is always good, there will always be people who will criticize us, who will gossip about us, who will betray us, and who will insult us. People are not perfect, just like you and me. Unless we admit these facts, we will never be able to forgive.

We cannot control the ways people act, speak and treat us, but we can always control our attitude towards them. We should make a decision to forgive. Forgiveness is an act we don’t do for other people, it’s for our own benefits. It’s the greatest blessings you can give to yourself.

Don’t get an impression that we should not get angry when other people hurt us. It’s ok to get mad. Being mad is just a proof that we love ourselves. It’s our way of telling people that we do not deserve what they did. It’s our way of healing ourselves. But anger is a feeling that we should not hold too long. Like  Bo Sanchez mentioned in one of his articles, Anger is like a medicine that has expiration date.

Holding a grudge is like drinking a poison and waiting for the other person to die. Anger must be dealt properly to avoid transforming it to the feeling of bitterness, which is poisonous to human being.

There’s a story of woman who was raped when she was in college. The man who raped her was prosecuted and convicted. But while in prison, the man wrote a letter of forgiveness and asked the policeman in charge to have it sent to the woman. When the woman received and read the letter, she just tore the paper and put it in the trashcan. Years after, the woman was interviewed to feature in a magazine. The woman said that she had been living in pain and depression ever since the incident. While she was married and had a children, there was no joy in her life. She wanted the man to pay for what he had done to her. She wanted the man to experience the worst.

This story is just a proof that  we will never be happy if we won’t be able to forgive those who hurt us. When we hold grudges, we will realize that we don’t help ourselves and it only steals our chance to be happy. Come to think of it, they have hurt us already, can we allow them to hurt us over and over again by repeating what they did to us in our minds? Don’t allow this. Love yourself. Learn how to forgive.

I know it’s not easy. It will take time. Just keep in mind the blessings that we might receive as a result of our forgiving attitude - good health, reduced stress, more friendships, healthier relationships, better self.

Make a decision now to forgive. Love yourself enough not to allow bitterness steal the blessing of happiness you deserve.


Live a happy life,
Maya

5 Most Effective Ways in Dealing with Your Temper

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.  

- James 1:19-20

How do you react in these situations?

You are stuck in long hours of traffic.

A sales crew repeatedly commits mistakes in completing your orders.

Your kid throws tantrums in public places.

Your colleague does not cooperate in your team presentation

Your trainee can’t get your lessons even if you repeatedly teach the concepts many times.

You wait for so long because your friend is late again in your agreed meetup time.


If you easily lose your temper when you are in the situations above, you are an impatient person just like me before.

I was very impatient that I always give instant negative reactions to things that are not happening the way I want them to happen. I found myself easily irritated to things and people that cause delay. But what did I get from being impatient? Negativity. Broken relationships. Wasted time. Regrets for the words being said.

Later on, I realize that impatience is an indicator that I’m doing something I don’t enjoy. But come to think of it, isn’t it almost everyday we encounter things that we should do but we don’t enjoy? Just like the instances I mentioned above, we don’t like these things to happen but these happen.

Why is it so hard for us to develop patience? One reason is that we are so much in a hurry. We are too busy doing things in our lives that we can’t afford to lose and waste time to things we think is not significant in achieving our goals. We want things to happen in an instant. This is the reason of the existence of the fast food chain, instant coffee, instant noodles, instant internet, instant boyfriend or girlfriend (hahaha!). Second reason is because of the belief that it’s fine to express our emotions right away, even if it’s negative, because it is our common nature. But how many times have you hurt someone because hurtful words came out from your mouth because of anger and impatience?

Today, I would like to suggest 5 ways so we can control our temper and develop patience in our lives:

1. Timefirst! This is what we say when we were little kids and playing to temporarily stop the time. When we find ourselves starting to develop a feeling of impatience towards a person or circumstance, we should stop for a while, count 1 to 10 and take a deep breath. Take a break from a person or situation and divert your attention. Most of all, pray and ask for God’s guidance in dealing with the situation.

Focus on the result of you being patient. You drive away negativity, plus you were not able to say hurtful words that might ruin your relationships.

2. We have to trust God that He will take charge of the things that are beyond our control. If things are going out the way they are not supposed to happen, just keep in mind that they are happening for a purpose. There’s a statement from Bo Sanchez, my favorite preacher, that I can’t forget - “Nothing just happens.” Always think that even we are in our toughest times, things are happening for a good purpose. So whenever you are starting to become impatient towards a situation or person, just say to yourself “ I will be patient, because this is happening for a purpose, for my own good.”

3. Find healthier way to express yourself. Once we do steps 1 and 2, we can now express ourselves, not in aggressive, but in an assertive way. Express your needs and emotions to others while maintaining respect and building relationships.

4. Keep in mind the benefits of being patient - you feel happier, you have fantastic relationships, you have better health.

Also, keep in mind the cost of being impatient - stress, failed relationships, depression and sense of unfulfillment.

Make a decision now to be patient or suffer the cost of being impatient.

5. Learn how to forgive. Keep in mind that nobody is perfect. Even the most trusted person in your life can hurt you. As Bo Sanchez said, you can’t control people’s faults, but you can control your reaction to these faults. We have to learn how to live with the imperfections of people to be truly happy.

Now that I have shared some ways to develop patience, are you ready to take the challenge of applying these when trapped in difficult situations and starting to feel impatient?

You may share your stories to me. Put in the comments below and I’ll be happy to hear from you.


Live a happy life,
Maya

5 Blessings You Can Enjoy by Having a Positive Mindset

So you've now learned how to be positive. What will happen if you think, do and be positive?

Do you know that there's no really difference between the talents and abilities of a winner and a loser? The loser can be more talented, intelligent, and skilled than the winner, but the winner becomes successful. I have learned this from one of the talks of Bo Sanchez, my favorite Catholic preacher. The only difference between the loser and the winner is the ability of the latter to perceive himself as a successful human being. The winner has positive beliefs in life, can stand in trials, believe that there's a brighter destination in the end of the journey. On the other hand, the loser, even if more talented, intelligent and skilled, has a negative mindset, gives up easily and always complains of the trials.

Here are the blessings you can enjoy when you have a positive mindset according to one of the talks of Bo Sanchez:

1. You love yourself more. You increase your self worth. Because you are positive, you see yourself as beautiful human being having a capacity to do something for others. Even if you have a pimples on your face, cellulite on your legs, or scar on your knees, you perceive yourself as beautiful because your heart is full of love.

2. You grow in endurance. If you are positive, you won't give up easily, you take each trial as an opportunity to be a better person, and to learn something to achieve your dreams. You see the end of the road, that's why you keep on persevering despite hardships and obstacles.

Do you know Abraham Lincoln? He is rated as one of the best American Presidents. He was a very successful politician and lawyer. But only few know that Abraham Lincoln had gone through setbacks and defeats. 

Wanna know a summary of his life's defeats before he succeed? See below.

• Lost job, 1832
• Defeated for legislature, 1832
• Failed in business, 1833
• Elected to legislature, 1834
• Sweetheart (Ann Rutledge) died, 1835
• Had nervous breakdown, 1836
• Defeated for Speaker, 1838
• Defeated for nomination for Congress, 1843
• Elected to Congress, 1846
• Lost renomination, 1848
• Rejected for Land Officer, 1849
• Defeated for Senate, 1854
• Defeated for nomination for Vice-President, 1856
• Again defeated for Senate, 1858
• Elected President, 1860

This is to show that a failure can be a success if a person doesn't give up. If a person has a positive mindset like Abraham Lincoln, it's not possible that he will be successful despite setbacks and defeats.

3.You enjoy your relationships more. Since you are positive, you always see the good in everyone. You will have good relationships with your family, friends and colleagues. You forgive easily. You do not keep any kind of hatred and anger to someone. You become a loving, selfless, and helpful person.

4. You are more successful in life. Because you think positive, you have a clear vision of what you want to be in the future. You have a bright dream. You know the path where you want to go. You are excited to wake up everyday because you are inspired to achieve your dreams. You see more opportunities. You only see the blessings and you will be able to transform the problems into blessings. 

5. You will be more closer to God. If you have positive, you have faith. You believe that there is God who is always willing to take charge of your problems if you can't carry them anymore. Even if you encounter so many trials, you believe that God will help you solve these if you just keep doing the right thing. By being closer to God, you will be inspired to be more like Jesus everyday to the people around you.

You want to enjoy these blessings? Make a decision to have a positive mindset everyday. It's not an overnight process but you can start today.

Think, do and be positive.

Live a happy life,

Maya

5 Most Effective Ways to Be Positive and Feel Happier Everyday

Have you ever been bothered by that one NEGATIVE comment someone made to you? You find yourself thinking this one negative remark over and over again despite of the other positive feedback you receive.You can't help but find a way to argue about it, defending yourself because this memory becomes painful playing back in your mind just like a broken record.

It's a human nature to have a tendency to focus on the negative things first rather than on the positive things. I learned in marketing in college that dissatisfied customers are likely to tell many more friends about their negative experience than satisfied customers about good service. I also notice that most of my officemates are talking more about negative things happening in the workplace than good things.

Research shows that people respond with more emotional distress to losing than to gratification to winning of the same amount of money. Other research also found out that our brain responds with a greater electrical signal to a picture of a negative face than positive face. These researches just show that the mind has a built in bias to respond to negative things more strongly than it responds to positive things.

Now, our innate bias to focus on the negative things is not an excuse for us to just let ourselves feel negative all the time and be miserable. We have to so do something in ourselves so we can convert these negative feelings into positive. It always begin on our powerful thoughts. We should be aware of our thoughts and begin to transform those negative to positive. If we keep thinking positive thoughts, they will eventually manifest in our world. Desirable results come from desirable thoughts.

Here are the 5 tips I recommend on how to be positive:

• Focus on your blessings, on the good things you already have. Do you still have parents and siblings? Do you have a job? Can you travel anywhere you want? Can you walk and talk properly? Can you hear the sounds around you? Do you have 20/20 vision? Can you sing? Can you dance? Can you buy anything you want? These are things which are simple but we should be grateful for. Always keep in mind that not all people can enjoy the perks that you have. So start focusing on these blessings. Feel grateful everyday.
• Surround yourself with positive people. Be a selective listener. Keep in mind Jim Rohn's (my favorite personal development speaker) advice "Don't just let anybody dump into your mental factory." Stay away from people who keep on feeding you negative thoughts.
• Change the tone of your thoughts from negative to positive. I remember when I had my broken heart moments because the one I loved before chose to marry another girl. I was so depressed and my mind was filled with negative thoughts. Then I learned how to transform these thoughts into positive. I kept in my mind that "God did not allow us to be together because He loves me so much that He knows that guy won't really make me happy." Guess what? I was able to move on in just a couple of months. Amazing!
• Take responsibility for your life. Don't play as a victim. If you always feel you are a victim of what's happening in your life, then you will become one. Always remember that even in the most difficult situations, there's always a way out. Take charge. If you do not like what's happening in your life, just relax, pray and think. Use these difficult times as your inspiration to change for the better. Say to yourself, "Yes, I'm experiencing difficult times, but this is temporary, something good is yet to come if I will just think and keep doing the right thing." Make a decision to turn problems into blessings by learning from them. Always remember that the most important lessons in life usually come from the most unforgettable pain.
• Read about other people's success. Read books and articles that will inspire you and make you feel good. You will be amazed that the success of these people did not come from pure luck, but a fruit of the difficulties and hardship they face across their journey. If these people did not stay positive and gave up easily, they won't become successful.

So what are you waiting for? Will you allow your innate built in bias for negative thoughts control you?
Make a decision now. Choose to be positive.Choose to be happy.

Live a happy life,

Maya

Setting Rules for Happiness

“Happiness, like unhappiness, is a proactive choice.” 

This is one of the greatest lessons I've learned from Stephen Covey, the author of "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People."

Happiness is a choice. It's a decision. This is the reason why you can see some people with a lot of problems, sufferings, disabilities, plus they don't have a lovelife (hahaha, just kidding!), then they can still afford to be happy.

Have you heard the life of the Patron of the Unwanted, Blessed Margaret of Castello?

The parents of Margaret was so excited in 1287 to the birth of their long awaited first child. But when the baby was born, no bells were rung and no feast was given. Opposite to what the parents were expecting, Margaret was born blind, hunchback, with one leg shorter than the other. The parents could not find room in their heart for Margaret. They decided to hide the baby and tell no one about her. They hired a servant to take care of Margaret and this servant gave her the name of  "Margaret" which means "Pearl."

When Margaret was 6, her parents keep her in a tiny cell adjacent to the family chapel. She was not allowed  to go out, but could attend Mass and Sacraments. She lived there until she was 16, having food and necessities passed in to her only through a window. Hoping for some miracles to happen, her parents took her to a church in Castelo but she was still not cured. This was the time when her parents fully abandoned her in the streets of town. Margaret became a beggar until Dominican nuns helped her and gave her food and shelter to survive.

Despite all the hardships and trials she encountered and her disabilities, Margaret made a decision to spend the rest of her life in hobbling about the streets to take care of the sick and to visit the prisoners. Despite her miseries, Margaret was serene, cheerful, and courageous.She never looked at her life as miserable, but tried her best to serve and help other people. Discouragement was a word she did not know. She never became bitter, never complained, never reproached others or lost heart. She still decided to be HAPPY.

Here's the lesson:
Sometimes, people complain easily when things happen the way they don't want them to happen, which will cause them to be unhappy. But only if they can focus on their blessings, not on the problems, they can be really HAPPY.

Whatever happens in your life that is beyond your control, happiness will always be your choice.
Set simple rules of happiness. Be grateful with what you have, with the blessings that flow in your life.
Allow yourself to be happy more frequently regardless of what's happening in your life.

Be inspired by the story of St. Margaret of Castelo and be humble before God.
And you will be truly HAPPY.

Live a happy life,
Maya